I sat on the Q train heading to work from my early morning math class. I get about half an hour to relax my mind before I get to work, so I either reflect on the things I can do to improve my life or totally blank out from my lack of sleep since July 2015. Today, I was blasting some of my newly discovered music, and I began to think.
As a mother of daughters, the universe gave me major blessings, because it knew all my life experience and wisdom could be passed onto my girls. Growing up, I have always had a very close relationship with my own mother. She passed on so much wisdom to me, and one of the more pertinent gems she passed on was when she said “Learn to let people go,” in her thick accent.
At the time, I thought the advice was not exactly comforting, considering what I was going through. I was a teenager after all. My mother is the type whose words may not always seem like what you want to hear at the time, but it is really what you need. She really gives a jolt of perspective and context to difficult circumstances. Sometimes, a little too much of an optimist I might say.
Nonetheless, she wanted me to understand that everything and everyone has a season. It was up to me to determine how long the season would last. Even though I have always had a strong sense of self from a young age, her advice wasn’t enough. It was something I needed to learn on my own. It required a journey of greater understanding only through experience.
One of the the foundational elements of learning to let people go, whether it is by their desire to leave or you leaving, is knowing your self-worth. A break up is always difficult, but you need to eventually see the opportunity you’ve been given when a partner or friend leaves. Accept it and be thankful for the time served and the lessons learned. The universe may have done you a favor.
When the school of life is your teacher, you cannot always predict the timing of these lessons and the severity of its impact. What you do have control of is your response to it. When you know that you are more deserving than what you have allowed, you desire change. Then, and only then will you require of others to give what you ask of or it’s time to release them.
Another important aspect I needed to learn on my own is, healers attract broken people. Say it after me. Healers attract broken people. There tends to be the assumption that you attract what you give. That is not necessarily always the case. Opposites do attract and in most cases, healers try to fix broken people. It is not your job to fix a broken person, because it either depletes you or breaks you.
Therefore, it is important to help build the foundation of self-worth and self-awareness from childhood. Teach them to articulate boundaries for others in their lives. Teach them to identify behaviors and personalities that can lead to toxic relationships on an age appropriate level. Teach them to trust themselves to know that not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life, and it is okay to let go.
(Photo from Canva)