Lately I have found myself stewing in a pot of questions. The one that stands out the most is, “Do I suck at making new friends?”
I fall in the middle ground when it comes to making new friends. I know I am introverted—not shy—and connecting with people comes easily to me, because I have an INFJ personality (did the test about 5 times over 9 years) with emotional empathic abilities. Relating to people is not a problem for me.
I have a small circle of friends and I’ve known them since childhood. Most were from 12 years old spanning over twenty years and a few since we were in diapers. I know I am capable of making friends and keeping friends. It’s just that lately, I feel like I haven’t gained a new friend in a very long time.
In my lifetime I have only lost two friends; one friend I had to let go of because of the incessant need to lie about the smallest things and a superiority complex, and the other only called when she needed something with a habit of disappearing. She went MIA and I couldn’t be bothered.
One of my best friends lives in the Bronx. With so many responsibilities as mothers, wives, education and such, it is hard for us to see each other very often. Some of my other friends live in other countries. Even though we talk often, it would be nice to see them once in a while.
I also have my mom friends who I communicate with. We had our mommy group and I felt like I was building a village, but so much has changed. Two moved and the rest of us are so busy that sometimes even making play dates have become difficult to schedule.
I do have one of my mom friends Michael who I adore, and I love spending time with her family. Our children have known each other since my older child was one and I trust her wholeheartedly with my children. I know I should try harder to build a relationship outside of just the kids.
It’s just that my life is so busy. I am in no way trying to make excuses, but the reality is, every day of my life is accounted for from 5 o’clock in the morning to about midnight. I am constantly running and I know that there are many of you who can relate to this.
I recently told a friend that I can’t make new friends and his simplistic view was that I need to try harder. In a society where women are expected to be great wives, mothers, employees, contribute to the household financially, start a business, deliver great sex, meditate, do yoga, go to the gym, follow a ten step skin care routine, put on perfect makeup, be sure to age gracefully, and not look tired from the load even though we are freaking sleep deprived is too much to bear.
So yes, I suck at making new friends, because I barely have time to sleep. Maybe I am just going through a dry spell and haven’t really lost my touch, but for now, it is work, home life, kids and Christmas movies with good snacks until there is time to make new friends.
In the meantime, I will just have to keep sucking at making new friends while I thrive in other places.
(Top photo by Erneil Johnny and bottom photo by me)