It is New Year’s Eve and we are hours away from ringing in the new year. I feel like I am cautiously tiptoeing into it, because of all that has happened since March. Nonetheless, I want to take a moment to reflect on everything that 2020 taught me.
This is a long post, so let’s dive in.
To be a little more open with the people around me, because I never know where help can come from
I am not shy, but I am also not the most open person as it pertains to my life. It takes me a long time to trust people and for that reason, it takes me time to welcome them into my space. This year I’ve really had to challenge myself to be more open. The outpouring of love I have received from my mom friends has been amazing and I’m grateful for that.
I am a great friend and I honor and value my relationships
This is year was a time of reconnecting. I had three friends from high school. Two of us lost touch for quite some time. I created a group chat and it has been a non stop circle of love, laughter and healing. I mean, the kinds of things we talk about in this group chat has no boundaries. We talk about eeeeeverythang, and I treasure that openness and honesty. We have matured so much and we are truly on a journey that I hope takes us into our sunset. I love these women.
I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for
This year, I encountered so many mountains and had to make decisions that I did not think I would have to. I lost my cousin to COVID-19, and even more, I am realizing that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. Having encountered these loses, I am still going through the five stages of grief. Also, as someone who lives with a chronic illness, I live in frequent pain, where stress is a major contributing factor. The fact that I can wake up every day, grieve, heal, and be a great mom is amazing to me.
I need to make self care a high priority and it can be small acts
I suck at self care. Putting my myself first is not my strength, but I have started making it more of a priority. I hope I can continue what I have started and really master carving time out for myself. It doesn’t have to be elaborate all the time, but can be something small and simple where you get time for you.
Healing is the best closure
So often, we look outside ourselves for closure. We need someone to acknowledge and validate our feelings. Sometimes that isn’t always possible or realistic, so I am learning that the best kind of closure is healing these internal wounds. If you have the opportunity to voice your hurt, then by all means, however, I am going to keep doing the internal work.
I am a true homebody, so blame the introvert in me
This pandemic has tested my limits, but one of the most amazing things I have been granted is the opportunity to work from home. That has been the ultimate wish. My wish came true, but under the wrong circumstances. Either way, I love being home and I do not miss the office one bit.
My life is not a productivity test
Yes! It isn’t. It’s amazing how much focus we put on achievements and getting things done all the time that we can’t appreciate what is around us. I want to spend more time in the present and truly living. It’s not about all the activities for the day, but rather truly making the most out of every minute and filling it with joy.
It is okay to sit in my feelings and not implode
I hate sitting with uncomfortable feelings. I feel like I am going to implode, and for that reason, I used to suppress and avoid it to avoid sitting in that hurt. I learned that it is okay to really acknowledge my feelings and honor them, get to the root of the problem and address it. If it requires some crying, I can do that. I just can’t avoid it.
My feelings don’t have to be mutually exclusive
That is the beauty of being human. We are complex and complicated beings. A lion doesn’t question whether a zebra is a friend or dinner. He knows he/she is always dinner before the chase. Unlike a lion, it is possible as human to love someone but have no desire to be in their presence and that is okay.
I need to start being honest with my therapist
So often, I feel I need to hide how I felt inside, to save face or not have uncomfortable conversations. I am also the first person to reach out to a therapist, yet sit in therapy and still act like I am okay. Like how is that possible? I am here to release and I’m still keeping things in. When I finally started to release, I felt better. I guess it was all in my own time.
I need to show myself more compassion
I am someone with very high expectations of myself and I can put a lot of pressure on me. I am learning to cut myself some slack. Keep believing that I am worthy and enough, and that the child in me would not appreciate how I treat adult me. I need to just to acknowledge that I am only human.
I don’t always need to be in control all the time
It’s fine to want to be organized and a planner like I am, but in these circumstances, it is okay to be flexible. It is great to have structure, but it is okay to loosen the reigns a little. kids will thank you for it.
I truly enjoy connecting with the people I love so a text does not cut it
I know calling people seems like something of the past, but I love hearing the voices of those around me. You can lie to me in a text. You can’t lie to me over the phone. I’m a walking lie detector and very good at detecting the change in tone and pitch. It feels good hearing friends and family instead of through an impersonal text.
To protect the energy around myself and my children
I always say, I will lose everyone before I lose my mind and I stand by that. Toxic people have a way of drawing the life out of anyone and in order to protect this limited resource, I will let go of unproductive relationships. Also, as the mother of a highly sensitive person and empath, I am even more aware it is my duty to also protect the energy around my children.
Letting go can be the opportunity for a new beginning
So often, we think letting go of people marks the end, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be the beginning of something even better. Something where the individual is finally able to see me and hear me.
What did you learn about yourself in 2020?